Not sure how God does it...

Grace...I am reminded of a friend's song "Mighty River".

When fear dims the light of my vision,
When sin steals, my will and resolve.
Your mercy I will remember,
That a river of your blood ran down the cross.

You are a mighty river, a reservoir for the thirsty soul.
My God and my deliverer, you are the only one who makes me whole.

Copyright Jeremiah Jones

I lost it today. 2 hours worth of begging, pleading, being nice...and then exploding on my 4 year old over a nap. The problem is, I know that when we get in the car for me to go to work, if he does not nap now, he will instantly fall asleep then. Which then puts him at a late nap...which means he won't go to sleep until late...which means I am tired. And unfortunately, I am already tired today because he was up in the middle of the night last night. So, I had had enough. (don't judge me...you know you have too):).
So as I write this, he is finally asleep...and now I have time to reflect on the last 2 hours of my life. I am ashamed and wanting to make excuses for it. The good thing is that it has made me reflect on God's love for us. I texted Andy and said..."how can you love someone so much and them make you so angry"??? And then it hit me. "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us"...and my heart is now broken. Andy said "he is 4" almost as if God said it through him...and I wanted to scream back..."but he is so annoying sometimes!"....and I felt like God said "tell me about it" (in reference to me). We are his children. Yes he disciplines us and sometimes it is painful...but his mercies are like a river...so forgiving and so limitless. So...I am asking for God to forgive me for letting my anger get out of control to the point that I felt the need to yell at my child. The sweet little boy that He placed in my womb and my arms 4 years ago. He deserves an example of grace...with discipline that is firm and calm. So...I plan on apologizing when he wakes up...but the consequences will stand:) because God is not a pushover...and neither am I. But He is patient because He knows that I am not perfect and I have a long way to go. I have to remember that about Micah too. Thank you Jesus for revealing your love for me even in my short falls.

Even a little earring...

So...I almost lost my brand new camera. I was convinced that it fell off the jogging stroller when I was running the other day. I had to make so many stops with Micah on his bike, that I just knew I didn't notice when it fell off. But then...a glimmer of hope...I remembered taking pictures of Andy and Micah at dinner. So I called the restaurant where we ate and they said they had not found it. I begged Andy to call them back and ask again. The girl on the phone took our phone number and said she would let us know if she found it. After that, I called a variety of stores I visited to no avail. I then did what all self-respecting girls would do...I called my daddy and asked to borrow the money indefinitely:). This would not be so big of a deal if this was not camera #4. The first two were Kodaks (which we will never buy again) and one was dropped by my niece (and never worked again), the other just stopped working. The last one was involved in a freak accident with a golf cart and a pond. I would not have left it on there if I had known it would end up swimming. And I would have gone after it had I not been 6 months pregnant and the water was freezing.
So that leads me back to yesterday. Micah and I prayed that God would find our camera. Silly, I know...would/should/could he even care about my camera??? Micah was willing to sell his toys and break into his "tiger fund" to give me money to buy a new camera. He said "mommy, I don't need to go to college"...ha. So after the longest hour of my life, the restaurant called and said they found my camera. The girl on the phone said she was surprised because they had a party and I was lucky it wasn't taken. I told her I was praying really hard!
So, I don't know that God found my camera even though I do know that he cares about the little things in life. There is a song by Sara Bareilles that says "this is the stuff you use" about our every day life.
All of this reminded me of many years ago...we were raking leaves in my grandmother's yard. I am not sure if my ears were recently pierced or if they were special earrings...but I remember sitting down with my Aunt Fissy by the pile of leaves and praying that God would help us find my earring that had fallen out. It seemed impossible to find that earring in the piles of leaves...but when we opened our eyes after praying....there it was. It was our special gift and our special moment that we would talk about for years afterwards. Does God care about the little things? I think so. I think Sara Bareilles says it best....

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world.

Lannie

What I've been up to...

So, in my spare time these days...which isn't much....I have been sewing and crafting. I love to peruse crafter's blogs and find cool stuff to make. I have to get started on Christmas already:). So...I thought I would share a few of my favorites.
1-theidearoom.net
2-MADE--http://www.dana-made-it.com/
3-Prudent Baby--www.prudentbaby.com
4-http://www.happytogethercreates.com/
5-How about orange--howaboutorange.blogspot.com

Those are just a few...I don't have all day to go through my bookmarks. But I created a cute backpack and skirt for my niece's birthday. I am also working on a wreath made out of an old dictionary...its taking a while...

Some other cool sites I have come across...
--myjobchart.com--a cool website that lets kids keep up with their chores in the house and earn points. Now, I never got rewards or money for doing chores in my house...but I do see the value in teaching them to earn, save, spend, and give away money.
--datingdivas.com--fun ideas for date nights with your husband. Andy and I are working on getting some dates here and there these days. It's important to make it a priority...some times it is tough financially, but there are some great ideas on here for cheap dates.

So...just thought I would share those. More deep thoughts to come:)

Lannie

Not Boastful

This is what the LORD says:

“Let not the wise boast of their wisdom
or the strong boast of their strength
or the rich boast of their riches,
²⁴ but let the one who boasts boast about this:
that they have the understanding to know me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,”
declares the LORD.--Jeremiah 9:23-24

I am not perfect. I will be the first to throw myself under the bus in most occasions. I talk too much, I interrupt people, I go "ally mcbeal" in my head when someone makes me mad, I raise my voice too many times during the week, I am sometimes lazy (ask my sisters and they would claim consistent laziness--but now that I have my own house...I don't have a choice but to clean), I make daily mistakes and am a sinner just like the rest...in need of and saved by grace. I don't want to create a blog that makes it out to seem as though I have a perfect life. That does no one any good (I am sure there are way to many no ones and any's in that sentence to make it correct grammatically). My goal is to put on "paper" what God is teaching me and to be frankly honest, I don't always allow him to teach me.

For the past few months I have been disconnected. I feel full of God in worshipful times (i.e. retreats, church, worship music) but sometimes I leave Him there. Writing out what He is doing in my life seems to draw me closer to Him in a weird way. But I truly believe that God has called me to help heal lives in my job and personal life, and writing my thoughts down in a journal is only self serving. So, I let you all into my personal journal. I also know that God has made me very relational...whether that's because I am a girl or a counselor...I'm not sure. I feed off of what God is doing in the lives of others. I am overjoyed when healing takes place. I am overjoyed and overwhelmed when I watch people worship at church. To see that connection and know that He is allowing me to stand in front of a group of people for the visual of heaven...its amazing.

So, I don't know where this blog is going;). My purpose is to say that I boast in God and what He is doing in my life...not in how perfect I can make my life look. I just know that when I sit in a counseling session with hurting children, marriages, families and live through that pain with them...there is healing in that. So this is my effort to share the good, the bad, and the in betweens...to allow you to "sit" with me...or vice versa...even though its through the computer. I want to encourage that we don't have to be Christians that are just getting by. We also don't have to be Christians who pretend that all is well when it isn't. We need to be Christians that are willing to sit with each other regardless of what we bring to the table and do life together. To be thankful in all circumstances. So, I hope that I don't come off as boasting. If I boast, its because Jesus has been changing me. And I have to share it!

Thankfulness...

So today, our subject is "being thankful". Someone suggested that I read the book "One Thousand Gifts" and in the meantime I have been reading the blog of Ann Voscamp, the author. I am only into the book by a chapter and I want to swallow it whole. Micah and I have been discussing being thankful for the things that we have. This morning, I asked him what he is thankful for and he said "God". When we were making crafts, he was thankful for the clay that we were molding (FYI..his sword is the blue thing on the right). It started with us making a crab, which moved to ducks...then to Samson and Polly. WE said goodbye to Samson only a few weeks ago and the face of that little black pointy eared dog still comes to my mind and brings me to tears. Today I am thankful for the 7 years I got to have Samson...annoying as he often was:). But I digress..
I am going to tackle anxiety in a blog at some point, but today, my thoughts after reading some of the book is that "thankfulness" can ward off anxiety. I am going to try this out over the next few months and see if my thankfulness for the here and now can counteract my anxiety. So, what am I thankful for today?
-a husband whose words in an email have brightened my day beyond words...
-raising wild and sometimes whiny boys...
-arts and crafts with Micah as we discuss the mystery that is God
-talking to friends who love me
-and dinner in the crockpot.
-

I don't want to just exist...

So, this is my attempt to start a blog and just be honest. So many things run through my head every day...and today's theme is...I don't want to just exist. So many people, myself included lately, just go through life existing. Trying to make it through every day, good or bad. Frankly, I am tired of it...for myself and everyone else. I sat over a table with a few ladies today, discussing anxiety, parenthood and life. And wanting to cry out to them..."You don't have to just 'get by'"...God wants so much more for us. So I began to ponder what I want in life...and here are a few of those things...not in this order technically...
1-I want to love my husband well. I want people to look at our love as an example of the love Christ has for each of us-seeing as how that is the purpose of marriage. I want my kids to watch us and want what we have. No marriage is perfect...and they all require tons of work...but I WANT to do that work! I want to create a home where my boys never have to worry about whether their parents will be together forever. That's the #1 fear I hear from kids I work with every day...and I want to make sure it does not rear it's ugly head in my family and in the hearts of my boys.
2-I want my boys to look back on their childhood and remember a mother who was full of joy and thanksgiving. I want them to see me love on other people and make a difference. I want them to learn to be servants because they saw their parents serving others. I want them to be content with what they have...and thankful that they have it. I want them to see God in everything...and I pray I can lead them to Him.
3-I want to wake up every morning and feel God's presence so strongly in everything I do. I want to enjoy each day that I have with my family and not live in fear of the days I won't have with them.
4-I want to be thankful for what we have and not join the game of "who has the most stuff". Sometimes I want more or better stuff...but what I really want is to be satisfied with where God has placed us. I don't want to care about these things that are here today but could be gone tomorrow. I have a roof over my head, furniture, a floor, and lots of stuff I don't need...and that's more than most people in the world.
I could probably go on for days...and I might add some more over the next few weeks. I want this blog to be about sharing the journey I am on...along with the 3 dudes in my life that God has blessed me with. I want to share the good and not so good moments in life...because I want to be real. So...as usual, I will probably say too much and let people into my life a little too far...but hopefully being an open book will inspire other people to do the same...and maybe I can prevent people from just existing in their own lives...